i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
