Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
