The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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