Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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