just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
