it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
