ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
