dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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