I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
