There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
