Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
