my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize