Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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