I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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