apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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