From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
