I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i think we sleep fucked last night...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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