I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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