Whod you bang
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
