I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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