Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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