Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
