When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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