In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
