Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
