after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
