His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
