11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
