he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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