Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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