after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize