Screwed.edu
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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