If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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