You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
