Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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