I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize