Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
