So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
