hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
