i just had sex bonerless
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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