i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I need to calm my uterus...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
