Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
