Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize