I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
