It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
