I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
