I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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