All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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