I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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