I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
