My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
