Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
