Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
