Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
