now i know why i became what i already was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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