i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
