can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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