you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
