I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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