I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
