This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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