I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
