i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
