Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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