her vagine was all disorganized.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
