rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
