if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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