He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
