her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
